I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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