Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
