Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Floor bacon is actually really good
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
