a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
