I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my being single is dangerous.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
