so that wasnt chicken after all
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
