we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
