Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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