I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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