Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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