i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were destined to go to rehab together
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
