And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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