Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
