I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
