I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize