I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Found the puke drawer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
