I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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