why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
