Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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