So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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