I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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