I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
