she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
