so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
