I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
