Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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