too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
