You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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