Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
