How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
