Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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