He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
