i permit you to call me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
