I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
