I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
