So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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