No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
