I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
