never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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