Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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