i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
