Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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