Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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