Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
