Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im six kinds of drunk right now
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
