mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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