someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
