I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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