I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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