Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
