Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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