I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How's work?
Spinning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
